P239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:44/11 7/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity The Colonel, with surprising presence of mind, ducks rapidly, thus allowing the ball to pass above his crouching formN The Rev Angus Snudge, who is watching the proceedings with some little mirth is, however, not so lithe. The ball takes him amidships, expelling the breath from him more completely than any Sunday sermon and rendering him prostrate over what is left chrysanthemum. Replace your divots, and read on...P239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:42/00 3/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity The combatants, after three more of the Colonel's large brandies, weave their way onto the first tee and battle commencesN Brown hits a fine sdot down the middle of the fairwayN Thf Colonel, after much pvffing and panting, also hits a good shot M but unfortunately the ball swerves off into woods to the right. Undeterred, the Colonel takes out his trusty mashie and blasts the ball in what he believes to be the general direction of the green.N.NP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:42/13 4/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity The Colonel's ball, travelling at around mach 3, singes the ear of the local dairyman's horse, causing it to bolt in an uncontrollable fashionN The police take around three-and-a-half hours to catch the horse M by which time its entire load of eggs and milk is spread liberally across England's yfllow and white pleasant land. The Colonel's ball eventually comes to rest in the front garden of the local minister, Rev.Angus Snudge, mortally wounding his prize chrysanthemumNP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:41/01 8/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity The minister, forgetting his pfrsuasion proceeds to indulge in a brief bout of fisticuffs with the unfortunate Colonel leaving the military man with a bloodied nose and a battered visage. ghile all this is going on, Mr Brown, has repaired to the club bar and is now incapable of holding a club - let alone swinging it. The Colonel, no longer in complete control of his senses, deposits what remains of his clubs in the stream and retires to the manor to raise goatsNP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:55/20 6/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity Unfortunately, the unsound footing gives rise to a peculiar swing for the rotund gentlemanN The blade of his club buries itself unceremoniously in the mire imparting a 90 degree bend to the shaft club - and a ruddy hue to the Colonel's cheeks. Plucking another club from the bag, he tries again M with renewed vigour. The ball flies some 50 feet before hitting an opportunely placed oak and returning from whence it came.P239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:00/50 A festive tale of woe for the golfhng fr—t—rnit8 5 Scene: T—d High Pines Golf lub in the London stockbroker belt. Time: 10.30am on Boxing Day morning Ender Colonel St @ohn-fforbes Sl8the a member of thd local gentry who sdes himsdlf as a latter,day Sam Snead Thd good Colonel purc(—rfs hhmsdlf a large brandy and proceeds to rec le his colleagufs in the club bar about his Christmas presdnts These include a new set of golf clubs, a dozen balls, and a complete set of golfing "togsbP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 23:00/02 4/8 F s A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraterfhty P239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:41/01 2/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity The Colonel, who is already much in his cups, having celebrated the Christmas feast copiously the previous day, has another large brandy and challenges the club professional, one "Smiler" Brown to a round of golf in order that he may try out his new clubsN Smiler, being a lad of some resource, agrees to the proposal, with the light- hfarted rider that, of course, they should play for a pound a hole and a bottle of the club's best port on the whole c—lf. The Colonel agrees. gave through onto the following pageP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:40/00 1/8 s +?! A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternaty Scene: The High Pinds Golf Club in the London stockbrokdr belt. Timd: 10.30am on Boxing Day morning Anter Colonel St.John-fforbds Smythe a membdr of thd local gentry who sees himself as a latter-day Sam Snead.P239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:51/20 1/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity Scene: The High Pines Golf Club in the London stockbroker belt. Time: 10.30am on Boxing Day morning Enter Colonel St.John-fforbes Smythe a member of the local gentry who sees himself as a latter-day Sam SneadN The good Colonel purchases himself a large brandy and proceeds to regale his colleagues in the club bar about his Christmas presents. These include a new set of golf clubs, a dozen balls, and a complete set NP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:42/01 Thd good olonel purchases himself a large brandy and proceeds to regale his colleaguds in thf club bar about his Chris—mas presdnts These include a new set and a complede sdt of IP239 CEEFAX 239 Tue 30 Dec 22:40/10 5/8 A festive tale of woe for the golfing fraternity After a heated remonstration between the two worthies, the Colonel is eventually pdrsuaded to play his miscreant ball from without the bounds of the minister's propfrtyN This necessitates the Colonel standing up to his knees in a small pond bust the other side of the fence M thus rendering his new golfing "togs" somewhat less than serviceable. However, with upper lip as stiff as frozfn smoked salmon, he plays again. Getting teed off? More in a moment.N